When You Win and When You Don’t

How do we handle these feelings?

“Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose” is a sign that was displayed in center field at the old Yankee Stadium in New York which is now a baseball field for high school teams. The words are a reminder that baseball games are a game of chance. What does that mean? It means winning and losing are both possible. 

Contests, games, tournaments, and elections involve people participating in a competition. 

You have probably heard a lot of talk about the topic of “winning” and “losing” with the election that happened in November and the recent inauguration of a new President of the United States. Many adults might sound happy with the current events and others sound upset and angry.

Dr. Silverman is the author of How to Talk to Kids About Anything

We had a chance to talk with Dr. Robyn Silverman, a child and teen development specialist, about feelings of winning and not winning. We discussed the emotions, frustrations and a whole lot of other confusing feelings that can come up with a contest, a game, an election or any other situation where the outcome wasn’t what you were hoping for as a result.

All Emotions are OK 

You might feel sad, angry, frustrated or let down.

These are feelings you have probably experienced at some time when you didn’t make the basketball team or get the part you auditioned for in the school show. You wanted something to happen for you, and even though you gave it your all, you didn’t get the result you wanted.

Dr. Silverman says “You might even feel a mishmash of emotions that don’t even have a label. The emotions are ok and we have to let them out but not in a violent way.” 

Grieving is Necessary

Grief is a word that describes a feeling of sadness over a loss. You can lose a person in your life who you loved or a family pet. 

A loss for a goal you were hoping to achieve can make you feel angry, disappointed and confused. Grief is a natural response to this situation. Let yourself feel sad about it

Dr. Silverman says, “Grieving is for all sorts of things that don’t go our way. A grieving period is ok.”  

Coping Mechanisms

Feelings of sadness, numbness or anger can be a part of loss and disappointment. You need to find ways to identify and handle these feelings in order to manage stress and emotional health. 

Dr. Silverman says, “Coping mechanisms are helpful. You may need to do push ups, run around the block or some other really big move. You may need to talk it out with someone who can listen like a friend.” 

Empathy is Needed

Empathy is a term that means the ability to understand and share the feelings of another as if they were our own. People can have very different reactions to the same situation or event.

Dr. Silverman says, “Not everyone is going to feel the same way and not everyone expresses feelings in the same way.” 

You Don’t Need to Know All the Answers

You might have questions about events that have happened and the results. It can be confusing and frustrating to try and figure out the answers. You can talk with an adult, a teacher or a school counselor to help you talk about your feelings.

Dr. Silverman says, “It is ok to say, “I don’t know all the answers.” But we can find people who can help us find answers and make us feel better.” 

Breathe

There is one simple step you can do for yourself when you are faced with a confusing or challenging set of emotions. It’s easy to do and can help you feel better instantly.

Dr. Silverman says, “Now, let’s breathe. We can do this!”

You can listen to Dr. Silverman speak about feelings and emotions in this video.

Dr. Robyn Silverman 

Known as the “Conversation Doc,” Dr. Robyn Silverman is a child and teen development specialist and host of the popular podcast, How to Talk to Kids About Anything, as well as the author of the book of the same name. She is a cofounder of the Powerful Words Character System, which gives educators the talking points they need to help children become kind, responsible citizens of the world.

Dr. Robyn has appeared on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS Early Show, and Nightline and has been quoted in the New York Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, CNN.com, and many other publications. She lives with her husband, two kids and rescue dog in North Carolina.